do you have one of those days when you feel like you just want to break free from it all? and I mean breaking free from ALL kinds of responsibilities – – – as in total, absolute and without reserve?
sometimes I just want to be plain insignificant. like I didn’t matter in the clockwork that is called randomness. this life. this routine. this blah. note: I am not suicidal. I won’t even go there. NOPE.
don’t get me wrong. I love this life I have. what’s not to love about my own when I know I am far better off than most? it’s just that sometimes it hits you. you get tired. you get bored. and you detach yourself involuntarily from a vicious cycle. sometimes I get caught up with myself. I do the same things over and over again until my body hurts from the monotony. most days I wish I had an extra couple of hours to finish my installments on chores, personal projects, favors for family and friends, and those tiny windfalls that come along the way. there are days when I’m not even half done with what I was doing, when suddenly I find myself staring at an unfinished task, all tired and on the verge of frustration.
me and my friend LT were talking over the weekend and we discussed about each of us going on a sabbatical leave. you know, to re-energize our bodies and clear our minds of clutter. I told her I wanted to try going to sagada alone, just like what my friend AS did, with just the tour guide with me who is dense enough to be out of my sight for a good 50 meters. I want to commune with nature, feel the carabao grass itch my behind, wait for my hair soak up the afternoon sun, produce my own libag from the trek, and watch the sun half-set before I call it a day. I want to experience “rebirth” with just a bottle of gatorade as company. I don’t want to hear anything but my own breathing, feel nothing but nature communing back with me.
someday I will do that. I owe myself that much. I’m sure that dear won’t mind. his EQ (emotional quotient, that is) is much too high for him to feel unwanted from this quest I am planning for myself. he only wants the best for me. he always does. I know he’ll support me on this.
I am not looking for drama. my life is a soap opera in itself already. I just needed a break.
selfishness could do you good. so long as it doesn’t revert negatively towards the ones you love, and if it means saving your own sanity so you can get back to that monotony – once again in fighting form.
memento vivere (remember to live)