I want to break free.

 

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do you have one of those days when you feel like you just want to break free from it all? and I mean breaking free from ALL kinds of responsibilities – – –  as in total, absolute and without reserve?

sometimes I just want to be plain insignificant. like I didn’t matter in the clockwork that is called randomness. this life. this routine. this blah. note: I am not suicidal. I won’t even go there. NOPE.

don’t get me wrong. I love this life I have. what’s not to love about my own when I know I am far better off than most? it’s just that sometimes it hits you. you get tired. you get bored. and you detach yourself involuntarily from a vicious cycle. sometimes I get caught up with myself. I do the same things over and over again until my body hurts from the monotony. most days I wish I had an extra couple of hours to finish my installments on chores, personal projects, favors for family and friends, and those tiny windfalls that come along the way. there are days when I’m not even half done with what I was doing, when suddenly I find myself staring at an unfinished task, all tired and on the verge of frustration.

me and my friend LT were talking over the weekend and we discussed about each of us going on a sabbatical leave. you know, to re-energize our bodies and clear our minds of clutter. I told her I wanted to try going to sagada alone, just like what my friend AS did, with just the tour guide with me who is dense enough to be out of my sight for a good 50 meters. I want to commune with nature, feel the carabao grass itch my behind, wait for my hair soak up the afternoon sun, produce my own libag from the trek, and watch the sun half-set before I call it a day. I want to experience “rebirth” with just a bottle of gatorade as company. I don’t want to hear anything but my own breathing, feel nothing but nature communing back with me. 

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someday I will do that. I owe myself that much. I’m sure that dear won’t mind. his EQ (emotional quotient, that is) is much too high for him to feel unwanted from this quest I am planning for myself. he only wants the best for me. he always does. I know he’ll support me on this.

I am not looking for drama. my life is a soap opera in itself already. I just needed a break.

selfishness could do you good. so long as it doesn’t revert negatively towards the ones you love, and if it means saving your own sanity so you can get back to that monotony – once again in fighting form.   

memento vivere (remember to live) 

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15 Responses to I want to break free.

  1. maybs says:

    Go, Bjay! And don’t look back….

  2. cookie A. says:

    hi bjay!! naku sis minsan talaga ganyan… take the break and plunge!!! after that… you will feel rejuvinated and new again!!! HUGS!

  3. Gracie says:

    Hi Bjay! I know exactly how you feel! I go through that feeling sometimes but then it passes. Hay life oh life! If you have time pala I tagged you, kindly check my blog for details. Hehe. Take it easy! 🙂

  4. Mei Ann says:

    GO FOR IT BJAY!

    I find that our generation tends to challenge ourselves {in every aspect} to the brink of frustration. In doing so we easily forget to stop and smell the roses. Fill up your senses … go and touch, see, smell, feel and taste the simple things that nature has to offer. They are God’s gift to His favorite creation which is YOU!!!!

  5. Rachel says:

    I can totally relate. I was having very similar feelings this weekend. Take care of yourself – for you and for those you love – it helps!

  6. Hugs to you dear friend! I know how overwhelming life can sometimes feel. Do what you must to recharge. Looking forward to hearing your insights when you come back. 😀 Love you!

  7. Olive says:

    life can be so stressful and taking a break from it all is not wrong…i’ve been to SAGADA and it’s one of the best place i’ve been to…very serene and laid back and a great place to renew your spirit and strength…you walk in the clouds and can actually feel like you’re talking to GOD!

    go and have fun!

  8. Marix says:

    makarelate ba ko? hehehe I usually have that kind of feeling but long time ago I did try to plan out a get-away, but it didn’t push through when I was given an opportunity to work here in SG, at susme mas lalo kong nararamdaman ang pagod sa lahat ng bagay hehehe I’m also longing for that “me” time, maybe someday…
    as for you go na! you certainly deserve it!

  9. Archie says:

    I think Bjay to sum it all up, you are burned out…burned out with the constant daily grind. Taking a well-timed sabbatical may indeed be what you need. Break muna, Bjay…even the best of us need it. Healthy mind equates to a healthy body and spirit. Ingat lagi!

  10. Rox says:

    try Self Matters by Dr.Phil…been there. You deserve a break and then come back rejuvenated relaxed and restored…

  11. lee i says:

    go, kapatid. take a break before you tackle the new challenges in your job. kaya lang wag kang pupunta sa sagada this holy week. wala kang makikitang peace and solitude. if holy week is the only free time you have, i would suggest batad as an alternative. but yes, there is something about sagada.

  12. Liza says:

    go for it bjay! i agree, you deserve that break!
    we all need that alone time. i’m pretty sure there’s no drama in there. just the need to re-discover yourself away from others. i say go and do it! hugs!

  13. Alby says:

    Oh, the worst I’ve felt was back in 2000. I was so exhausted – physically and mentally. I felt so bad I tendered my resignation. Buti na lang di tinanggap. I got a 2-month vacation instead. I enrolled in a short term art class, I cooked at home, I read books, I watched TV. I didn’t go anywhere, just stayed at home the whole time, but that did the job. I went back to work with a vengeance. 😀

    Oh and yeah, I want to Sagada on a Holy Week. The crowd was unbelievable! Super daming tao! Pero nice experience pa rin.

  14. Alby says:

    Sorry, I meant to say “i went to Sagada…”

  15. bjay says:

    hi, guys!

    thank you very much for all the sweet thoughts and encouragements. you’re all unbelievably supportive. but just to set the record straight – I’m fine, mighty fine. hindi pa naman ako maloloka or something. kailangan lang talaga ng breather 🙂

    I wish I can do it very soon! but meantime hindi pa, at least I have something to aspire, right?

    I’m truly blessed to have you guys. thanks again 🙂

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