tatay remembered

 

father’s day today.

my dad died when I was nine. it’s been 26 years now since the last time I celebrated this occassion with my own. it’s been too long, I honestly forgot how genuine it feels to be with a father.

I have had a lot of father figures in my life. but of course they paled in comparison with my tatay. some of them were half-baked imageries while the others waned in charm. sadly, there are a couple who just failed me downright flat. but in all fairness, there are a handful whom I still look up to with utmost respect until today.

although he died young, I had fun with my dad while he was still alive. we used to have afternoon dates where he would carry me on his shoulders, then we’d go to the local store and he’ll buy me a barbeque sandwich and daisy chocolate drink, sometimes it’s sunkist. and we’d eat ice buko. just plain, simple joys. but I am not sure if things would be the same in my life right now if he were still alive today. the shoulda-woulda-couldas, I really believe in that. 

contrary to more popular opinions, a young child whose half a parent died is not immune to emotional hurt. true, yes. but perhaps only at the time death happened. I remember I was even quite excited that there were a lot of people in our house, day-in, day-out during the wake. I had a very shallow understanding of death then. but pain actually grows with the child, and it only intensifies with time because there is, and always will be, a void to deal with.

I still miss him once in a while. but hey, life goes on.

 

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6 Responses to tatay remembered

  1. Nancy Doren says:

    I’m sure he would be happy to know that you still honor/remember him on Father’s Day. Enjoy the day. 🙂

  2. sandrayu says:

    hi bjay, ur dad will be very glad to know that u missed him..and still remembering those happy and simple days..

    medyo sad lang ako for my dad.. He’s not so close to us and for some reasons.. I just felt like hating him.. Time will come siguro na I can forgive him.. God is good right?

    natutuwa lang ako pag may mabait na tatay..hehe! Have a nice day! thanks for sharing your story..

    sandy=)

  3. bjay says:

    hi, nancy! I hope I get my message “across” to him every now and then 😀 thanks.

  4. bjay says:

    hi, sandy! I really had nice memories of him.

    and whatever it is that made you feel that way towards your dad, I hope it changes for the better soon. and yeah, God id good 😀

  5. Alby says:

    Thanks for sharing Bjay. It’s sad that many people realize the value of another person when that person is gone. Thanks for reminding us to savor each moment we have with people we love. Better yet, create those moments by spending more time with them now. This is something I often remind myself, specially since my dad was diagnosed with cancer over a year ago.

  6. bjay says:

    hi, alby. you have another prayer warrior in me. will pray for your dad’s continued health and light disposition.

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